January 31st, 2011

The space shuttle Discovery is preparing to make its final mission. After that, it will be offering hourly nonstop service between LaGuardia and Dulles, and charging passengers $15 for a blanket and pillow.

The US is beginning evacuation flights out of Egypt. Several passengers, however, asked to be let off when they learned the in-flight movie was going to be "No Strings Attached."

January 25th, 2011

President Obama delivers his State of the Union address tonight. Potential themes for the speech: Jobs, Guns, Oscars.

January 19th, 2011

Aerosmith frontman Steve Tyler could give American Idol the ratings boost it so desperately needs tonight. Provided he doesn’t get on stage.

January 12th, 2011

Good news for anyone looking to have their genitals patted down this morning. Despite the snow, Newark Airport is open.


Sarah Palin refuses to apologize for her angry rhetoric. Well, she was going to. But bailed early.


Illinois lawmakers will likely outlaw the death penalty. In its place, the state will just subject death row inmates to the Jonas Brothers.

January 10th, 2011

An acquisition company is buying the cupcake retailer Crumbs for $66 million in cash, stock and sprinkles.


Voters in war-ravaged Sudan began showing up at polling stations today to decide if Southern Sudan should become its own nation. Turn out was low. Experts attribute this to the fear of violence, lack of education, or simply not having enough limbs left to pull a voting machine lever.