January 10th, 2011

An acquisition company is buying the cupcake retailer Crumbs for $66 million in cash, stock and sprinkles.


Voters in war-ravaged Sudan began showing up at polling stations today to decide if Southern Sudan should become its own nation. Turn out was low. Experts attribute this to the fear of violence, lack of education, or simply not having enough limbs left to pull a voting machine lever.

December 28, 2010

The blizzard dumped nearly 20 inches of snow in the New York metropolitan area. You’re screwed if you drive anything other than a garbage truck, a tank or a Zamboni.


According to a new study, drinking water can help you lose weight. This is especially true if you’re on vacation in Mexico.

December 22, 2010

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was finally repealed. A huge victory for gay service members. They haven't been this excited since the last sample sale at Barney’s.

November 23, 2010

North Korea’s 26-year-old dictator-in-waiting admits he called for the deadly, surprise artillery attack that killed two South Korean guards last night. As for who took his dad’s Porsche out for a joyride, “wasn’t me,” he said.

November 15, 2010

Larry King will be airing a show Tuesday evening – a look back at all his years in broadcast journalism. The show will go from 7 PM until about 2016.


Saying our work there is nearly done, President Obama wants to begin pulling troops out of Afghanistan in 18 months. Wait, there was work?


Apple is planning a big announcement Tuesday morning and wants everyone to tune in at 10 AM. For once we’ll finally know where bin Laden is.


Apple is planning a big announcement Tuesday morning. There go another five paychecks.

November 11, 2010

Because so many parents are out of work, a record number of teens have moved in with their grandparents. The arrangement is really working out. When grandma and grandpa sit down for dinner, the kids can join them for breakfast.

November 09, 2010

A mysterious missile was caught on video off the coast of LA. Insiders are baffled. There hasn’t been a bomb like this on screen since Mel Gibson’s career.

In Indonesia President Obama criticized Israel’s housing policy, reiterating a policy stance that it’s always best to comment from 5,700 miles away.


President Obama can’t seem to escape disaster. This week it was the ash from a volcano. Last week, it was the fallout from the elections.