Wednesday, April 27, 2011

April 26, 2011

Now that President Obama has released his official birth certificate, his detractors are saying they won’t be satisfied until they see his umbilical cord.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

April 21, 2011

The MTA announced its plan to sell three buildings, including its headquarters. Most surprising: That the announcement was neither unintelligible nor garbled.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

March 29, 2011

Doctors are saying Facebook can cause depression in teens. To which every autocratic dictator in the Middle East and North Africa said, “Sure beats protests, revolt and regime change.”

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

March 16, 2011

The price of gold is up today. This bodes well for Mike Tyson’s mouth.


Netflix is making a TV series about the life of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. Slated for two seasons, most people think it’ll start skipping and freeze entirely midway through the first.

Monday, March 7, 2011

March 7, 2011

With millions of people trying desperately to flee Libya, it’s nice knowing Travelocity’s FareWatcher Plus is looking out for everyone else looking to go to Miami this weekend.

No countries have offered to take in Gaddafi, who sleeps in a bedouin tent every night. However, Dick’s Sporting Goods has offered to give sanctuary to the Libyan leader in any of its 409 stores nationwide.


The nose cone of a $424 million space satellite fell off during launch yesterday. NASA says if they can't fix it, they know a great plastic surgeon in LA who can.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

February 23rd, 2011

Muammar Gaddafi refuses to leave office and vows to fight to the bitter, bloody end. However, sources say, he is willing to negotiate over his parking spot.


In a televised speech, Gaddafi refuses to step down, vows to destroy the opposition, promises a bloody fight, and says he can’t wait for his new iPad 2.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

February 17th, 2011

First Tunisia and Egypt. Now Yemen and Bahrain. Unrest is spreading like hate, anti-Semitism, America-bashing, flag-burning, misogyny and hypocrisy across the Middle East.

IBM’s supercomputer Watson won Jeopardy. Up next: It takes on “Dancing with the Stars.”


“Two and a Half Men” is changing its name to “One and a Half Men, One Drunk.”