Thursday, March 25, 2010

March 25, 2010

The MTA approved massive service cuts yesterday. By eliminating or cutting over 100 bus and two subway routes, the MTA also reached its goal of shortening the distance between “douche” and “bags.”


Lean years are ahead for seniors. Social Security payouts have exceeded collection revenue and the government is now warning seniors to save as much as they can. There goes the diamond-encrusted, mother-of-pearl, herringbone shuffleboard pole.


The lost revenue is from the recession and a collapsed housing market. If grandma moves in, you might see people begging banks to take their home.


In a 74-second videotaped address played on Al Jazeera, Osama Bin-Laden warned the US not to execute terrorists. He then plugged his new line of exfoliating creams “Osama Bin Shine.” You know, for that “terrorist glow.”

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